What to do when your family are scared of dogs
I recently met a lovely couple who told me their daughter had recently got a dog, as her husband loved dogs. But they were scared of dogs, so they weren’t now able to go and visit their daughter very easily. This is such a common problem that I thought it was worth writing about it.
Being scared of dogs is incredibly common – Cynophobia is listed at no 7 in the UK for top phobias. Amazing when you consider what a country of dog lovers we are. Perhaps that’s why it’s so high: people are always being faced with dogs and we are not very good at managing them, are we?
What makes us scared of dogs?
I was reminded of family I met a few years ago, where the wife wanted a dog but the children were scared. When I met them, it became immediately apparent that the husband was scared of dogs. Turned out he had been bitten by a rabid dog is Thailand! Hmm, I think I’d be pretty scared of dogs too! Not all fears are as easily explained.
To be absolutely honest, I can be scared of dogs and I own 5 Border Collies! I don’t like German Shepherds. Or Chihuahuas. I think dogs that are bred as guard dogs are naturally protective of their families – that needs to be respected. And everyone knows that Chihuahuas are vicious little so and so’s.
Have respect for other beings
I think it’s important to be respectful of other people and I don’t see why dogs shouldn’t have the same respect. If we don’t know them, we should wait to be introduced. We need to understand what a dog is saying.
Children in particular, need to be taught how to behave around dogs. I have written numerous times about that. Have a look at this post in particular: Children and Dogs. It’s really important to teach children how to be around dogs. That’s one of the reasons I’m so passionate about getting dogs into school, supported by the excellent charity Canine Concern.
Tips for family meeting your dog
So how do you introduce your family, who might be scared of dogs, to your new dog? Here are my top tips:
- Shut the dog away. It’s really, really important that you don’t expect your family to come into the house with the dog at the door. If your family are frightened, the dog will become frightened as well.
- Give the family or friends a hug. It may sound odd to say this, but now that I do so much scentwork with my dogs, I understand the value of scent to my dogs. If your smell is on your family, your dog will definitely be more relaxed. We’re all family!
- Bring the family in and get them settled. Take their coats off, get them a cup of tea, sit them down. No rush, take your time.
- Go and see your dog, on your own. Make a fuss of them, give them a treat and put some more in your pocket.
Next steps
- Put your dog on the lead, in the house. Manage them, quietly. Bring them into the room your family are in. Be calm and quiet. Keep your family seated, if possible. Ask them to be quiet.
- Slowly bring your dog towards them, being ready to back off if anyone, including the dog, becomes stressed.
- Let your dog ask to be fussed. Tell your family what the dog likes, where to stroke them. Do NOT let your dog jump up, or jump on the sofa, or paw your family. If they do that, take them away and train them some more. Don’t expect your family to tolerate this rude behaviour.
- If your family are comfortable with it, ask them to give the dog a treat. They should gradually get used to your dog and may eventually even like them.
Overall, take it slowly and be prepared to go back a step. Gradually let everyone get to know each other and make friends.
Not everyone likes dogs
Hard to believe, but true. Even when people aren’t scared of dogs, they may not like them. We may choose not to be friends with someone who doesn’t like dogs, but we are pretty much stuck with family. So respect their views and work around it?
If it doesn’t go well and your family still don’t like your dogs, you will need to manage that. Shut the dog away and focus on being with your family? Show them that they are as important as your dog? For that time, at least.
Other options for meeting up
Another way to manage family who are scared of dogs is to meet up somewhere. You can all go for a walk together and they can see your dog running around, without having to have direct contact. Or you can have lunch in the pub with your dog lying quietly at your feet.
All of this depends on your dog having good manners and you being able to manage your dog successfully in different situations. If you can’t, that’s on you. There is plenty of information and advice on how to do this, on this website and elsewhere! Good luck!
Buy the Workbook
The Workbook – A Year With Your Puppy is available to buy. This book is a hands-on, interactive book for you. It will help you survive the first year with your puppy, but also act as a memento of that time and the journey you have been on. You can write notes and stick in pictures of your puppy throughout the year. Lovely! Find out lots more by looking at the Contents page.
Remember..
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It’s really hard to know what to do. We want to reassure them, but they don’t really want to hear it.
Different breeds, different interests
Toy dogs are not really bothered about a ball. They don’t have a prey drive, so won’t bother to hunt something down. They won’t bother with much, to be honest, as they are designed to sit quietly and be fussed. A toy dog, such as a Bichon Frise, has been carefully constructed to be generally undemanding. That’s not to say they aren’t divas!
Another issue with ball play is that you overdo it. This is easily done, particularly if you have a
Another problem many people have with ball games is that the dog won’t give the ball back. This may be because they are tired and don’t want to have to run after it again! But it may be because they haven’t learnt that part of the game.
This morning on my walk I met a couple with a young Border Collie. Well I say met, what happened was this: I was walking across the field and the dog appeared from the other side, running flat out towards me and the girls. ‘What a pretty collie’ I thought. She said hello to mine, who remarkably didn’t mind (they often do). I waited for a few minutes for the owners to come into view, shouting loudly at their dog to come back.
First things first
Off lead
I was asked by John about how to stop a dog from barking at everything out on walks. Their little dog had apparently broken through into a neighbour’s garden and been ‘savaged’. Understandably the dog was now afraid of everything. Apparently it barked loudly whenever it saw another dog, or at lots of other things. This is known as being ‘reactive’ and it is an expression of fear.
Finally, I suggested that walks are shortened to just a few minutes, to start with. It is pointless working on the issue for a while and then getting bored and letting her bark for the rest of the walk! Go out, work really hard for 5-10 minutes, creating a happy experience. Then go home and have a cup of tea and a piece of cake. You’ve earned it! Short, sharp sessions are much more successful when teaching a new skill.